[meditation. manipulation.]

the first time i sat down to wonder about the wind was during a picnic i had at puddingstone lake. at the beginning of summer, in loving company, i sprawled underneath a couple of oaks; my eyes followed the knotted course of the branches, untangling them in my mind, spreading them across the sky.

sometime after unpacking the strawberries, i felt--for an instant--calm. it either rose to meet me or descended around my body; it matters little how it happened. then, before i could fully acknowledge the feeling, it left me.

to fill the voided atmosphere, the breeze became a wind that brushed against my back, lifting up my hair. it felt like someone had put their arms around my waist, fanned their hands across my belly, and pulled me towards them.

as all events in my life seem to do, this brief story might appear to be nothing more than a coincidence to anyone who isn't me. in fact, most people will suggest that i'm crazy for reading into this. well, you can call me crazy, i don't mind. but i do believe there's something to this wind theory. because since that day, i have paid attention to it.

this discussion is not for the faint of heart.

i've been meditating a lot recently. on good days, i can meditate while i walk, eat, sometimes even speak. because of my new habit, i am aware of my surroundings. i trip less, remember more...the like. in particular, i've become more aware of the earth and her elements (the wind is the most distinct of these).

i started to experience the feeling of calm more often. i rejoiced in its comfort and the hope it gave me. it was peace in absolution. and peace is like love, as most things are. it is more welcome when unexpected, more cherished when needed, and more enduring when tended to with diligence.

the wind seemed to respond to me in these peaceful moments. without fail, each feeling of calm would be answered with a swelling breeze (granted i was outside to feel it). this happened with such unrelenting regularity that i became frightened. what of this wind? i thought.

after a while, i realized that it was silly to be scared of the wind. after all, it only seemed to agree with me.

sometimes i move my hands in circles at my sides while i breathe...it seems to coax the wind out of its shy casings. sometimes i can conjure up a strange breeze that responds only to my breath. it is strange because it has a pulse and seems to tug my body like a fishing line.

...

maybe i'm alone in these sensations. maybe others can feel the same rapport with the earth. in any case, i like imagining that i have some effect over this planet, no matter the scale.

with love,

your crazycrazy,

favorite fish